How Heroes of the Storm is classist. Also, meet Azmodan, Lord of Sin, and Proud Member of the 0.01%

In Heroes of the Storm, as I may have mentioned in the past, you play on a team of five players against another team of five. Each of you is in control of a “hero”, who prances and gallivants around the stage like a prima donna demanding all the attention and glory.

But the real workhorse in the nexus is the uncharitably named “minion”, or even more uncharitably “creep”. Minions appear at each team’s base, then march along two or three lanes towards the other team’s core, until they are inevitably obliterated. Then a new wave begins.

"All right lads! Just remember your training and show the enemy what for!"

"Uff.. puff... almost at the front line lads"

"Attaaaaaaaaaaaack!"

"The monk killed Steve! I'm a goner! Tell my wife I said – aaaaAARGH!"

Every match is a horrific battlefield on which hundreds upon hundreds of noble soldiers lose their lives, but are they remembered at the end of the game? No, it’s these “heroes”, who are literally five times bigger and much more flashy.

Heroes of the storm is so classist.

A fine example of one of these fat cats exploiting the downtrodden underdog is Azmodan. Each Heroes of the Storm character comes from one of the past games made by Blizzard, and Azmodan is from the Diablo series. He is the Lord of Sin and one of the Great Evils from the Burning Hells (who writes this rubbish?) though officially he is a resident of the Cayman islands, and sits on the board of several companies and is suspected of having accounts in every tax haven in all three realms.

Azmodan: Lord of Sin, and also of Delegation and Astute Career Choices

Though he may be a fat monster on spider legs ruthlessly exploiting his minions to do his dirty work, I admire Azmodan. First of all, despite being demonously fat, so gluttonous in fact that his stomach has its own mouth, he still, somehow, has a six pack, which is in and of itself remarkable. But mostly I admire his ability to delegate.

Azmodan specialises in heightening the effectiveness of the afore-mentioned minions, by summoning extra warriors and “motivating” the normal ones through his evil powers. He can summon demon lieutenants on any allied minion, and this proud member of the hell-spawn officer class will then empower all nearby minions, presumably through team training exercises and pay-based incentives.

The demon lieutenant "encouraging" the troops.

I enjoy playing as Azmodan because I lack fast reflexes or the ability to concentrate very much. So by sending my lieutenants and warriors off to fight for me I can have them doing my dirty work while I concentrate on not getting dead.

That’s not to say that Azmodan is useless in a team fight. In fact, a bad Azmodan player will focus only on destroying the enemy defences, leaving the rest of his allies a man short during team fights, then when they inevitably get killed, he will call them “noobs” and claim that he is the better player. This is because destroying enemy defences will give you a high score on the all-important “XP contribution” board, though a high score does not necessarily imply good play.

The all important XP contribution screen. In this particularly self serving example, it seems that I, Awoogamuffin, your hero, have wiped the floor with everybody. I'd like you to think this is how it always goes for me.

A good Azmodan player, however, can multitask, providing support in team fights while his underlings continue to sap the enemy buildings.

He has two hero-damaging abilities, both fittingly suited to a particularly sadistic form of play.

Azmodan revels in toying with his foes. When fighting the enemy, he’ll usually hang back because of his bad mobility (and general distaste of hanging out with the hoi polloi), but in the right circumstance he can start blasting an enemy with a laser beam and even follow them around (if you upgrade him correctly). The longer the beam lasts, the more damage it causes, and the more maniacally you, the player, begin to laugh.

I begin to attack a player called "scandal", playing an angelic warrior known as Tyrael, with my hand laser beam

Tyrael tries to escape, but there's no escaping Azmodan's laser beam. hehehehehe

heheHEHEHAHAHAHA! NO ESCAPE!! MWWOHAAHAHAHAAHAA!!

Oh... he escaped... :(

If the enemy hero does get away, they are usually so weakened that their only thought is escape, and here the magic begins. Azmodan can also throw a fiery ball of death great distances and there are few things more satisfying than predicting where the enemy is going, firing a ball in that direction and having it land on them just as they thought they’d got away. Mwoahahaaha indeed.

Tyrael makes a mad dash for his base where he can recover his health

But wait... What is your hero, Awoogamuffin, (me) doing?

Why he's firing a giant ball of death of course

I love this game

And all this while your lieutenants are tearing down the enemy cannons.

So what life lessons does this king among demons have to teach us?

Well Azmodan is very clearly part of the one percent and a metaphor for the growing inequality being felt in the developed world. This malaise (I choose a French word intentionally) resulted in Thomas Piketty’s book, Capital in the 21st Century, rocketing up to Amazon’s top selling list, even though it’s an economics book well over 600 pages, written by a Frenchman no less.

The key is that Azmodan can be profiting from his minions even while he’s back at his base, recovering health and mana and enjoying the benefits of a company fact-finding mission in the Bahamas. Most heroes, however, have to actually be on the battlefield doing damage to advance their cause. It’s like the distinction Piketty makes between those with capital (which produces wealth for the Lords of Capitalism even while they’re on the crapper) and those who only earn money for the hours they work (most of us). Azmodan knows which group he's in.

Minions at an Occupy Wall Street march

Amusingly, Kindle statistics suggest that very few people who bought the book actually read it. I don’t even claim to have bought it, let alone read a single word, though it’s been talked and written about so much that I can now comfortably claim to be an expert in it.

As I said, he separates the world into two groups: people with capital, and people who work for their money. What’s worse, the rate of return on capital is increasing faster than wages are, so the problem is only getting worse. Remember this: “r > g”, whatever that means.

Now in my last blog I failed to include a podcast, which makes me feel dirty. So here are a couple of short ones.

First have a video from the BBC saying exactly what I’ve just said (though not as skilfully, obviously):

Guide to Piketty book: Capital in the 21st Century

The economist magazine’s podcast “the economist explains” focusing more on Piketty’s explanation for the problems and possible solutions, as well as reactions to the book:

And here’s another from All Thoughts Considered where Alex Bloomberg, from the great “Planet Money” podcast, and now the even greater “Gimlet media” company that he set up, discusses the book’s inspiration:

Mystery Of Mounting Inequality Might Find Answer In Brand-New Tome

Picketty’s solution? Tax the rich! Might be a little bit more complicated than that, but it sounds sensible enough.

It seems that the next great battle, and a worthy one, is that of inequality. That said, some people go overboard in their hatred of the rich, many of whom want to solve the problem too.

I’d love to know what it is like to have a steady income that comes in regardless of how much work I actually do that month, be it interest, dividends, or royalties. Nowadays, with all the rich-hating ‘politics of envy’, I have to admit, I do envy Azmodan.

I want to be the Lord of Sin too.